London Lantern

Putting the Spotlight on London

A Tongue In Cheek Riposte To It's A Funny Old Game

27/06/2000, By Charlene E. Van Hecke

Reader Rating: 2.9 from 23873 votes

I have a modest proposal, which might help these London cab drivers with their tried and true feelings about American tourists, and possibly might change their attitude about who really should have been victors at the Alamo.

It is a melancholy object to those of us who ride in cabs in London, to see these cab drivers, so beaten down and weary from their many fares, that they must profess their everlasting and eternal disdain and hatred of all things American, or in the very least, touristy.

In requiring alms from all of their passengers, who are not always agreeable to this practice, and in not receiving many or any (possibly due to the attitude of these poor, forgotten drivers) they then pass on their opinions, nay shout and proclaim this disdain, to their children and grandchildren, which gives rise to additional feelings of disdain and offensiveness in these self-same relatives.

These helpless infants then grow up, and turn to days in pubs to help relieve the strain of their emotional distress (as well as their kidneys). Or possibly they leave their dear, native country to go to other countries to fight for freedom, or, in the very least, to go to France and fight for the right of all tourists to go topless on the beaches at Cannes (never let it be said that they are prejudiced against all tourists).

Therefore, my proposal is as follows:

1. London Cab drivers who dislike Americans should retire from their profession, go to America, and become baseball pitchers for the Atlanta Braves. Of course, they must take all of their progeny.

2. At a 'home' game in Atlanta, along with all of their children, grandchildren, etc. they should give an interview to the press, proclaiming their views of American Tourists who ride in cabs in London, so that all who are present can attest to these feelings.

3. These same ex-cab drivers who become Atlanta Brave Pitchers should then ride the subways in New York City with all of their children.

4. Having heard of the storm of verbal protest by the ex-London Cab Drivers, (now baseball pitchers for the Atlanta Braves) who have stated their abusive remarks in the press, the American subway riders will then verbally, or otherwise, convince these London Cab Drivers of their error. Americans are some of the most generous alms givers in the world. These Americans on the subway, I am sure, will generously convince the London Cab Drivers of American feelings on this subject. At the end of this generous convincing, the number of cab drivers who in the past were distraught with their American fares, will have been significantly reduced.

This proposal is offered humbly, in the same spirit, I am sure, that the article in the London Lantern about the cab driver was offered to the unsuspecting reader.

Charlene E. Van Hecke

Editor's Comments:

Wow, some riposte. However, our London taxi driver assures me that he really is not anti-American, and neither are his colleagues, but if anybody abuses him then he tends to return fire with both verbal barrels!!

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